"There are three things you should never share; your love life, your finances, and your next move"
Agreed! Hmmmmmmmmmm. Maybe not.
My best friend posted today to her Instagram. Now, she and I are so alike and so different that it's a perfect compilation. Alikeness and polar opposite. Our conversations are intriguing and deep and friendly. Today she said that there are three things you should never share: your love life, your finances and your next move. And at first I thought, "truth, preach." However, as I was moving about and thinking I started criticizing myself and my open book approach to life. I try to remain quieter about certain things as I should. I've learned from some mistakes. However, most of my sharing is innocent and open and comes out naturally. I share my life; successes, strife, confusion, all of it. My next move is typically out there. I don't care if people know my finances (although I completely understanding keeping this one quiet). I, myself, am neither proud nor ashamed. My love life has secrets sure, but I definitely have a more open, verbal approach to it as well. And when I stop and think, it has benefited others, it simply has. I've had too many people private message, text, email, or tell me in person how my sharing has improved their life or mindset, even changed their course to a more positive one. So then my brain wandered a tad farther. What should I expose? What needs to be kept in the caverns of my mind? Navigating what's appropriate for some vs what's appropriate for me or us. Do I care if some people dislike it? I do, I'm sensitive to others opinions. Do I lose forward momentum if I share? So many questions. Well, so far this is my navigation on what I share.
I'm in a couple different photo and mom groups on Facebook. All group moderators know that once a Facebook group exceeds a certain number of people drama jumps in. Like heavy drama. So many posts in the matter of minutes sometimes. Sanctimonious keyboard warriors everywhere. Solid opinions and complete wackadoo opinions intermingling in these comment feed arguments. The gifs and memes explode upon the scene, trying to convey emotions, frustrations or slide some humor in. And eventually the mods are forced to either turn off commenting or delete the original post all together. Well, once it's been shared it cannot be fully unshared. Screen shots have already been taken. People are creating offshoot posts. They're talking in private groups about what was shared. It's like spilling a tub of glitter. it might start as a large pile with no surrounding mess but it quickly disseminates! You can control the spread, clean it up a little, conceal the explosion, but it's still present! Two days later you see a speck of glitter on your clothing or there's magically a piece on your toast, it's still there. Well, the same is inevitably true with information. Especially where humans and technology are concerned.
We won't even dive into every aspect of this topic. What sharing is capable of doing to our reputation in the long run when we share and expose ourselves. How it affects peoples impressions of those close to us. What does the universe think of the energy we send into it? Everything is energy and these interactions are forever present. Good high vibrating energy and those low vibrations. We must stay somewhat focused or else this will be a never-ending babble. I'm the queen of babble.
Now, should we share our love lives? Oh yes, but not everything. The story of the love, the successes, that intoxicating energy that good love emits. I feel like our love lives have the ability to really inspire other people. We often don't tell young people how to navigate, we expect them to just figure out their relationships as they go. Sharing allows them to see success after trial; gives them ideas and encourages them to keep at it. However, I agree that there are things that deserve complete ambiguity. Where we share a vague overview as to protect that sanctuary that is our love. Or perhaps as not to expose our lovers. Exposing their personal life or faults. I've seen people ruin the opinions of others in reference to their partner, sometimes not even purposefully. They may be journeying down a rough road and simply need to vent. Well, fortunately that rough patch eventually ends, everything is fine, and both partners return to their previous state of love. The sad side effect is that the people who knew of the shortcomings may forever have tainted opinions. And that's an unfortunate side effect of sharing too much. I have a friend who was once a very close friend. I shared too much about my relationship with this person. And my husband and I eventually worked it out, I love my husband and intend(ed) to keep loving him. However, the damage was done. This person flat out told me they didn't like my spouse, and that was my fault. This was many years ago, and our friendship was majorly altered. I need my tribe to like my husband and support my marriage. Being overly candid can harm that. And we can say, "well, don't worry about other people's opinions. It only matters what the two in the relationship think." That simply isn't true. Relationships thrive in a community of support. And to ostracize the relationship means we would need to live in a state of or with a certain amount of isolation. And I'm all for living in a bubble with my lover, but only to an extent. I look at my grandmothers long living friendships and the couples they have done so much life with. I believe healthy unions are fostered in these life giving units. So we must protect our lovers reputation as they go through life. Now, if there's abuse then obviously that's different and we don't support that. I'm talking about good non-abusive lovers who are just wading through life, have crappy moments, and need us to keep some things to ourselves. So we need to think ahead a little before we divulge. Or perhaps keep the details vague and share the current feelings. Sharing is necessary, we can't live without it, I know that. But caution in the sharing is probably smart. Plus, people don't actually enjoy drama. The gossip is loved for a moment, but long term gossip is exhausting so we should just avoid the gossip in the first place. Keep the atmosphere and our energy free of the ickiness that follows gossip around.
I'm skipping the finances today. That's a huge topic. And more intelligent people have written plenty on that topic.
On to the next move. Sometimes when we share our next move it deflates it a little. We've leaked the creativity. Poured out some of the cauldron. Perhaps the idea didn't want to be shared yet. Sometimes sharing our ideas puts us at risk of someone stealing it. They may love the idea as much as we do and move more quickly and it slips away from us. Our next move, the creative portion, it deserves our respect. It's like a living creature. Elizabeth Gilbert explains it so well and in detail in her book Big Magic. I almost feel like the idea needs our permission to share it. Are we ready to send this out there into the masses? Do we even want our best friend to know yet? I've shared too soon many times. I had a children's book idea in mind and shared it, and almost as quickly as it came to me, it left. I saw that book recently. The idea manifested for someone else. I told people I had started karate. The love of it left shortly after. I enjoyed it more when it was just mine. I shared that we were going to pursue foster parenting. I then received so much unsolicited advice and opinions that it became this mountain so to speak. All I could do was look up at it and I didn't feel like I wanted to climb anymore, I gave it up. Sharing your next move puts you at risk. At risk of others. If you are going to share I think it's necessary to be prepared. Can you handle the egos and monkey minds of others? Will their opinions, fears, stories and chatter derail you? If so, don't share it! Protect it a while longer. Instead share goals and desires and manifest. Or tell people you're busy working, but keep the details inside. If you've already made the move you still don't have to share! Just like our relationships, we get to choose how much of our life we share.
My last thought on this for now. Our relationships and ideas have the power to heal people. Even just one single person. And to me that's worth it. I strive for a balance between introverting and extroverting. Regardless of what my personality is like. I know I can't share everything, even though it's in my nature. I know I can't be a complete recluse, also in my nature. I am both. I've learned to thrive in the extrovert world but I will certainly die if I stay there too long. So my only actual answer to whether or not we share is.....balance. Sprinkle a little and keep some inside. Remember that people will screenshot your life. Their opinions, in the end, are their own. You don't have to take them on as their own, but you do have to live with them. Even if that means ignoring them you will be required to process them before you can choose. So, if you don't want them at all, keep it to yourself. If you're ready for all the opinions then share. If you can live with what comes of your sharing then go for it. Sometimes we can't. We don't want to wade through other peoples stuff and try to make sense of it.
So keep your love life, finances and next move to yourself, or don't. It's all relevant.
Love to you.
(This does relate to business life. How we intermingle our personal life and business life. It's all relevant. Especially in our technology world.)